NEW STATIONERY HUNK CONTENDER?

WELL, WELL, WELL.


A man from Viking Direct rivals Oyez Staker popped into the office this week and, boy, does Ian (Irwin) Helford, Chairman Emeritus of Viking Direct have some competition on his hands! This new cat was FOINE!


I didn’t take a picture but just imagine what you would get if you crossed this



with this



and a bit of this on the side for XXXTRA HOT FLAVA



I’ll tell you what you’d get: a somewhat facially confused yet TOTALLY SEXY new pretender to the throne!


UPDATE: Okay, just checked the rules and APPARENTLY, the ‘powers that be’ are saying I have to provide an actual photo so you guys can ‘judge for yourselves’. God, I HATE this system, so much red tape.

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HUBBA HUBBA THIS GON’ BE MY BUBBA

Delicious!

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WORLDWIDE STATIONERY BULLETIN

Ah, bet you thought I’d canned this series, eh? Eh? Well, you’re outta luck sunshine cos it’s BAAAAACK!


So, like, what the fuck has been happening in the world of stationery? Some CRAZY shit, that’s what!


UK: STATIONERY cited as one of the reasons office workers want to stab their co-workers in the tits > Read more


USA: An American football statistician now brings extra pens and pencils to EVERY game! > Read more


INDIA: Those cats are BIG in the stationery game and they don’t business about no CREDIT CRUNCH! > Read more


VIETNAM: Kind lady takes pencils, pens…okay, I’m bored now. ABORT BULLETIN, ABORT!!!

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I DON’T CARE IF YOU BELIEVE THIS STORY OR NOT BUT IT’S TRUE

I went down to hear the Queen Bee Sharmadean DJ the other night and in between her ‘rocking the house on the old ones and twos’ (as the cool kids say) she gave me this totally freaking amazing present: a beautiful brooch in the style of a fountain pen!

It is just too amazing for words!


I put it on right away and since then its thorny pin has never left my hot body.


After I thanked Sharma there was a bit of a dispute about whether she chose it or her boyfriend chose it and then they had a big fight and then I said “HEY! We’re in a disco! It’s all love here! But if you have a problem…TAKE IT TO THE DANCEFLOOR!”


So then they had this INSANE battle on the dancefloor, Greg was drawing for the funky chicken and shit but Sharma’s robot was MIND-BLOWING and totally stole the show.


In the mean time, I went behind the decks and spiked Sharma’s drink, and when she jumped back on the decks, she got confused about her selection and started playing, oh my god, you won’t BELIEVE this, she started playing ‘This Old House’ by SHAKIN’ STEVENS! Crazy!


Luckily, the crowd went absolutely wild!


Fucking hell, that was the best night of my life.

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OH MY GOD I WANT I WANT I WANT

I don’t even want to tell you where it’s from because you might buy it before me and I’m poor so that’s very feasible right now but that’s a very selfish attitude so I’ll very begrudgingly tell you it’s from here.

If you buy it before me I’ll hunt you down and KILL YOU like the mean one-eyed rabid dog you are.

Bye! x

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